Gizoogle Translates
by OceanSunrise32
Summary: A short mash-up of all of my phanfics, but they're translated to ghetto-speak. Just something that made me laugh, and will make you laugh if you're a reader of Phan! DANxPHIL. FLUFF'N'STUFF. Cookies to whoever can guess the fanfics each part is from!


"Dogg dammit!"

"You're goin ta have ta stay still, Dan."

Da lil'er pimp winced as Phil carefully applied another glob of aloe vera ta his back.

Da two YallTubers had been up in Florida fo' merely two days. They, as well as other well-known vloggers, was once again busted up ta try tha newest, mo' improved gin n juice camera.

Phil n' Don Juan decided ta spend dat dizzle focusin mo' on chillaxin n' havin fun; dis included chillin up in tha hotel on they computers, swimmin up in tha pool, and, most blinginly, spendin too much time up in tha hot Florida sun.

Dan, always believin up in his crazy-ass muthafuckin invincibility, was up all dizzle without even a funky-ass bit of sunscreen.

"I never burn," he holla'd.

"I only tan," he holla'd.

"I be practically black," he holla'd.

**~.~.~.~.~.~.~**

"Whoz all up in tha door?" Dude was gettin irritated, so he swung his fuckin legs off tha coffee table n' trudged, clad up in sweatpants, a tee shirt, n' a zip-up sweatshirt, ta tha door.

Don Juan opened tha door forcefully, "What?!"

No one was there.

"Ugh, whatever..." Just before he slammed tha door shut, a gangbangin' flutterin caught tha corner of his wild lil' fuckin eye yo. Dude tugged tha envelope off tha door: Daniel.

Curious, he shut tha door lightly n' fuckin started openin tha sleeve yo. Dude plopped back down on tha couch, eyes widenin as he fuckin started readin tha letter.

_My fuckin dearest Daniel..._

His heart pounded wildly.

_Yo ass probably have no clue whoz ass I am. Thatz aiiight, cuz I straight-up don't want you ta know whoz ass I be first._

Just consider mah crazy ass yo' temporary secret admirer.

Anyways, yo ass is probably wonderin what tha fuck dis letter be bout yo. Honestly, I wondered dat too fo' like a while as I thought bout freestylin dat shit.

Look, if it aint obvious already, I like yo thugged-out ass. I trip of yo thugged-out ass. Not only at night yo, but I be thinkin bout just havin you as mo' than just a gangbangin' playa up in mah life.

If you wanna know more, go ta tha Starbucks down tha street. Tell tha barista dat yo ass is Dan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch bout ta fuckin give you somethang blingin.

Yours forever~

**~.~.~.~.~.~.~**

Dude took a quick sip of tha coffee, tha warm caramel brangin a pleasin feelin ta his shiverin body.

"Phil, I can't believe you-!"

Dude was suddenly cut off wit a kiss.

Before Don Juan could truly respond, Phil pulled away doggystyle.

"I-I be so sorry, Dan! I have no idea why I did dat son! I can't even believe..." Dude facepalmed, pacin back n' forth up in a lil' small-ass line.

"You-" Don Juan straight-up had no idea how tha fuck ta respond ta dat yo, but his blazin cheeks revealed otherwise. "You... you taste like blueberries."

A long silence followed yo, but was quickly broken by a loud laugh from Phil.

"And I be up in ludd wit yo' coffee kisses."

**~.~.~.~.~.~.~**

Da ebony-haired boyz probably pale cheeks turned a slight pink, causin Don Juan ta chuckle inwardly. Yet, his own heart started ta beat a lil fasta just ta match tha beatin of tha wings from tha butterflies up in his stomach.

Phil pulled away awkwardly, "Er... letz git back ta tha pancakes, yeah?"

"Sure, of course!" Don Juan fixed his afro nervously, suddenly straight-up subconscious bout his fuckin lack of upper-body wear.

After ignorin tha noize playin up in tha background, Phil continued ta pour n' flip pancakes while Don Juan stood next ta his ass n' was leanin on tha counter, watching.

Don Juan couldn't help but be thinkin bout em ridin' dirty earlier; tha closeness, tha way Philz fingers lightly caressed his fuckin lower back...

Dude wasn't shizzle if it was tha heat of tha stove and tha shame of bein shirtless yo, but tha brunette could most definitely feel a funky-ass blush creep up his neck n' up ta tha tip of his wild lil' fuckin ears.

**~.~.~.~.~.~.~**

Finally, he shouted at me, "Well, then? biatch? Where is it?! Da anger biatch? Da tears biatch? Da 'get outta mah life, you disgustin fag' rap biatch? Don't be afraid!"

Mo' tears escaped n' he trembled, seemingly forcin his dirty ass ta continue his venting, "WELL biatch? BRING IT ON, THEN."

I knew what tha fuck he was bustin. Luckily, I wasn't too hot-headed.

Dude wanted mah crazy ass ta yell.

Dude wanted mah crazy ass ta scream.

Dude wanted mah crazy ass ta cry n' rant n' kick thangs.

Dude wanted ta don't give a fuck bout mah dirty ass.

There was no way up in hell dat I would allow that.

I aint gonna let dis destroy us.

But, unfortunately, rejection be a funky-ass biiiatch.

**~.~.~.~.~.~.~**

"Dan, itz only a-"

"I know itz just a game, Phil!" Don Juan snapped, his thugged-out adorable pout bustin butterflies flutterin up in Philz stomach.

Da olda pimp slowly slipped his thugged-out arm around him, "Then just calm down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Losin a vizzle game aint dat big-asz of a thugged-out deal."

"I just- UGH." Don Juan threw his thugged-out arms up up in tha air. "Why is every last muthafuckin last muthafuckin thang just pissin mah crazy ass off lately?!"

Phil froze. If Don Juan was gettin pissed off at every last muthafuckin last muthafuckin thang, then he wouldn't be able to...

His blue eyes glazed over. Fuck dat shit, he had ta say somethang. No matter how tha fuck Don Juan feels bout it, he deserves ta know, nahmeean?

And he wasn't bout ta wait until it was too late.

"Dan," Phil whispered, placin a hand on his wild lil' playaz shoulder. Don Juan tensed yo, but didn't turn around.

What was he supposed ta say now biatch? How tha fuck will Don Juan respond biatch? Will he be mad?

"Dan, I..." Dude trailed off again, feelin tears prick at his wild lil' fuckin eyes yo. His previous confidence suddenly faded.

"Phil," Don Juan was facin his ass at dis point, "Yo ass know you can tell mah crazy ass anythang, right?"  
Da ebony-haired pimp turned his head ta look up at his muthafuckin ass. Those dazzlin chocolate eyes glimmerin wit concern, hopefulness...

Dude slammed his fuckin lips against Dan's.

**~.~.~.~.~.~.~**

_I gots a straight-up boner fo' yo thugged-out ass fo' realz. Always._

Love, Phil~


End file.
